Where does the time go?

It's been a little over 10 months....TEN months, since I stepped back into my hometown! When I first arrived, I never imagined that my life would take the drastic turns that have come about. I was just visiting, for an extended amount of time, but visiting nonetheless. Now, I sit and look around and wonder just how I got to this point in my life? This certainly isn't where I had envisioned myself in my childhood dreams. Then again, most girls aren't growing up planning their divorces, ya know?

The hardest part in all of this is feeling like an absolute failure as a mother. I mean, I can deal with being a bad wife, in a way, but hurting my kids is just unbearable to me. Are they going to be talking about me to their therapists in a few years? Blaming my failure in the marriage department for whatever goals they aren't achieving? These are the thoughts that keep me awake at night. You see, I was a divorce kid. I remember all the worries that ran through my head as a child. The thoughts that somehow I could have done something differently, and magically, my parents would've remained together forever and ever amen. I don't want my children to go through the same battle within themselves, and yet, I know they will to some degree. I can only hope that I handle my kids' feelings a little better than my own parents did. I want them to know that it's okay to be sad, angry, confused, or whatever the case may be with each child, even if it turns out that they do blame me. I'll take the heat, if it makes things easier on them. Maybe I should go and line up a therapist for myself, you know, just to have a shoulder to cry on.....or to tell about how my parents' divorce ruined me back in the day.