The In-Crowd? No thanks!

I found this and just couldn't resist sharing it with....um, myself, since I'm the only person who reads my blog. The only way that I could blog every single day is to write one sentence and keep adding "to be continued..." at the end of every one of my posts. Maybe by the end of a month there MAY be an entire story worth reading.

So anyway, on to the breaking news for the day. I've realized that I truly despise this whole divorce process. Then again, are there people out there that really love it? I'm trying to get child support set up, you know, so that I can move out of this freaking house! The only problem with this is that it's an interstate case. Because we live in separate states...blah blah blah...and the kids weren't born here...blah blah blah. In other words, it's going to be atleast a few more months and that's added to the ALMOST ONE YEAR that I've already lived with my mother! Please just reserve my room at the local nuthouse now. I mean, how much more of this can I stand before I end up on the news running around like a lunatic? Add this to the fact that I still can't seem to find anyone willing to hire someone who's been a stay-at-home mom for over 10 years. I may just be here till I stick the folks in a nursing home.....oh the joys.

Where does the time go?

It's been a little over 10 months....TEN months, since I stepped back into my hometown! When I first arrived, I never imagined that my life would take the drastic turns that have come about. I was just visiting, for an extended amount of time, but visiting nonetheless. Now, I sit and look around and wonder just how I got to this point in my life? This certainly isn't where I had envisioned myself in my childhood dreams. Then again, most girls aren't growing up planning their divorces, ya know?

The hardest part in all of this is feeling like an absolute failure as a mother. I mean, I can deal with being a bad wife, in a way, but hurting my kids is just unbearable to me. Are they going to be talking about me to their therapists in a few years? Blaming my failure in the marriage department for whatever goals they aren't achieving? These are the thoughts that keep me awake at night. You see, I was a divorce kid. I remember all the worries that ran through my head as a child. The thoughts that somehow I could have done something differently, and magically, my parents would've remained together forever and ever amen. I don't want my children to go through the same battle within themselves, and yet, I know they will to some degree. I can only hope that I handle my kids' feelings a little better than my own parents did. I want them to know that it's okay to be sad, angry, confused, or whatever the case may be with each child, even if it turns out that they do blame me. I'll take the heat, if it makes things easier on them. Maybe I should go and line up a therapist for myself, you know, just to have a shoulder to cry on.....or to tell about how my parents' divorce ruined me back in the day.

What Now?

Okay, this is the point where I should be figuring out where my life is headed and, you know, WHAT the hell I'm going to do now. Just to offer a little background info....

I was married at the age of 19, a mere baby now that I look back on it all. The past 12 years have been spent being a wife and mother....oh yeah, I had three kids along the way. We've lived in different states over the years, all of them far from where I grew up. Being a wife and mother has been my sole existence for my entire adult life. Mindy was left behind years ago and traded in for either Mrs. McKranky or Lil McKranky's Mom.

Fast forward to the present....

Now, I find myself back in my hometown (which I ran from years ago) living with my mom, step-dad and my three children. I'm going through a divorce, trying to find a job that doesn't involve childcare, and plotting my escape from this house. All of a sudden, I'm just Mindy, the person who disappeared. Mindy scares me to no end! Who is this person? Will she be strong enough to get through all of this and find her own way? What will she be when she grows up? These are the questions that I wrestle with daily, and if you stick around, you may just see how the story ends.